I don’t know if it’s just me, but life never only throws lemons at me. It also throws rock melons, watermelons, and durians. All at the same time. So instead of lemonade, I get a… Fruit salad?
You can probably guess that I’m writing this because I just got all those fruits thrown at me. I’m tired, I’m hurt, and I sometimes just don’t want to go all fruit ninja on them just to make my fruit salad. I need to rest. I need a good, long rest where I can just stop thinking about everything, for once.
For the past 5 weeks, I’ve been fretting about my friendship/relationship, universities and scholarships. Unfortunately, my friendship/relationship has been on my mind the most (yes, I know, my priorities are messed up). In the first three weeks, I could not stop thinking about what the bloody heck the two of us were. I didn’t know what he felt, and so I wanted to clarify with him in person. I had to endure it for three weeks because he is currently in the army, and so he is only available on weekends. He sometimes already has plans, and so I still can’t see him. When I finally met him that third week, it was at, like, 11pm, and I only saw him for an hour as he was really tired. Thankfully, I managed to find out what he felt, but I still didn’t know what the relationship between the two of us was because we got distracted. URGH.
I’ve also been accepted by three universities, but I want the one that my parents cannot pay for, because it’s the only one out of the three that offers the course that I want. The deadline for the acceptance of the other two universities is drawing near (it’s next week), so I’m completely lost. I need a scholarship to go to that particular university, but the scholarship people haven’t gotten back to me after the interview on Monday and now I’m just like ALJFDHGIKJLSBDFKJHAGSDIFKLGA.
(This is seriously the perfect GIF right now.)
Now that my mini rant is over, let’s get back to the main point.
Most of the time, life never just hits you over the head once. No, no, it hits you over the head, steps on you, then drives over you with a truck. And so, on the inside, you’re probably looking like that scary girl who walks down the stairs backwards in “The Exorcist”. You’re feeling hurt/angry/tired/frustrated/all of the emotions stated, and you’re wondering why all this s*** is happening to you.
Let me tell you something. It is only temporary, and it does get better after this crappy period. I know that you’ve probably heard that 1000000000 times already, but it’s true. As someone who has had 4 depressive episodes (actual depressive episodes, though their magnitudes did vary) in the past 5 years, I can assure you that life does get better after each s****y period. Not only that, you become a stronger person afterwards. Looking at my history, you probably wouldn’t think that I’ve become any more stable. But I have. For the 4th episode, I actually managed to recognise pretty quickly that I was effed up (again), and I knew what I had to do in order to get back on my feet. Compared to those who have had everything they wanted handed to them on a silver platter, you have already had a taste of failure/disappointment, and so, you’ll be more resilient than they are.
Although it can seem like life is bleak at times, it will become brighter in the future. Even the narrowest, smallest, and darkest tunnel still has a light at the end of it. You just have to hold on to the hope that you’ll find the light soon.
I’ll leave you with some lyrics to one of my favourite songs: Perfect by P!nk
Miss no way it’s all good
It didn’t slow me down.